i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
high people should be assigned attendants
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
