I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
