you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
