dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
