that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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