I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The best revenge is premature balding
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
