all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
