I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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