Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
