On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
