You can't special order awesome
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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