I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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