just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
