Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
