hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
