Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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