I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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