You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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