watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
