Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
