Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
