Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
