There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
