well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
