I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A+ Viking dick
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
