I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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