well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
