Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
BRING THE BAGELS
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
