There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
