I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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