Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
