today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
