I need to stop coming to work sober
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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