alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
