i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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