hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
