used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i wish my penis had a tongue
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
