I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
