i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
