i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
