I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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