They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
