I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
