i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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