I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
