there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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