just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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