wat bout pragnant strippers??
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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