I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
