I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
