yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
