dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
